This was forwarded to me by my Major some are very funny

Random Thoughts of the Day:
1. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

4. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. (or check you pockets)

6. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no Internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font. (oh yes there does, I get in trouble for being E-mail sarcastic)

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it. (like Dune, Top Gun, the pink panther, and countless others I have rewatched thinking “I though this was cool when I was a kid” only to find out it was really stupid or vulgar)

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

13. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. (especially when you live through the garage and down the stairs, ahh don’t miss the basement apartment)

14. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (Hazel that’s you job)

15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

16. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

17. Was learning cursive really necessary? (good one.. why not learn typing)

18. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. (Ummm I’m hungry or am I bored… I’m at work so probably bored)

20. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

21. My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

22. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

25. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. (O’Doyle Rules!!!)

26. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. (Or to the nearest freeway as well)

27. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

28. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

29. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (True Story)

30. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

31. Bad decisions make good stories. (Like telling your parents “Yes I will drive to Cedar to pick up missy from girls camp, and I’ll take troy with me.”)

32. Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

33. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

34. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

35. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....

36. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. (like just now… I think I will leave after this blog)

37. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs & Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection. (Or pay the ridicules amount of money to upgrade)

38. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

39. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. (Argh what did I change… did I mean to change it.. did I hit a key so it not says by Hatvch…)

40. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

41. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching his. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

42. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

43. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (This wouldn’t be so funny if it hasn’t happened to me all the time)

44. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

45. When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

46. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

47. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

48. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. (Like the lady who wont use the LARGE bike lane in my sub-division but rides in the middle of the road)

49. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

50. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

51. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

52. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

53. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

54. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

55. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that? (Son you really can run over a ninja they are to quick, hes probably under the car listening to us now… oh he just jumped to the car behind us.)

56. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

57. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

58. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. (Freezer Rights TODAY)

59. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

60. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat slob before dinner.

Its insane

If anyone would like to show there love, you can send me a four pack of the sharpie pens the ones with red, green, blue and black. I have already used the ink in mine. Silly putty is also AWESOME, or just about anything fun.

My address is

Chris Hatch
3-F
APO AE, 09354

P.S. post office flat rate boxes are super AWESOME the larges one is $11 to send. It could weigh 400 lbs, and still be $11.

Tyipical Day

0900- 1000 I arrived at work. I sat down logged in my computers. Then I arranged a playlist to work to (because if I don’t listen to music people like to interrupt and talk to me)Then I looked to see if there where any new press releases posted by Sgt Richardson in Kandahar, there were two. I downloaded said releases and started editing. Sgt Hill came in with four releases from yesterday that had been approved by the Colonel, I had to make changes on and send to Col Williams. I also checked Hazels Blog, checked my Army e-mail and deleted the 150 new e-mails I had.

1000 – 1100 Continued to edit press releases, got bored so I updated the slide show that tells us what everyone is working on. I took a screen shot of a cool Media Player visualization and used it as a background. I would say it now 50 times cooler then the old black writing on a white background. Then I downloaded 13 photos to go with one of the releases. Had to download them one at a time grrr. Was slap bet commissioner for crane and vans bet on the briefing slide. Crane bet Van that the slide was different then he clamed, Van won but was guilty of premature slapulation so Crane was awarded one slap of equal force.

1100-1130 Still downloading photos, 1120 Finished downloading photos and e-mail Sgt. Richardson for the cutline’s.

1130-1230 WENT TO LUNCH, ate; Corn beef, Afghani Rice and fries. Eat with Muller and Crane talked about stupid thing not related to work.

1225-1300 received email from Col Williams press releases disapproved… oh well they where stupid anyway. After restarting my playlist I began working on press releases again. Talked with Sgt Hill about current projects and how close to finished they are.

1300 – 1400 Finished my press releases, argued with Van because he’s an idiot, and needs to be destroyed. Listened to Live and the Beatles to calm down. Wrote on the white board, just wrote what each color marker we have. E-mail Richardson to get cutline’s for photos.

1400-1500 worked on a Photoshop document I have been trying. Also worked on Flash so I can relearn to make flash animations. Got e-mails from the Maj disseminated the work to Van as he hasn’t done anything all day… or week for that matter.

1500-1600 Worked on Flash thing, got to where I can make small movies where things fly in and out. Took Muller to the Store, he needed some boxes as he is moving to a different base in country.

1600-1630 At the store with Muller, waiting for dinner to start. Listened to Across the Universe soundtrack.

1630-1730 – Ate Dinner its Italian night yeah….

1730-1830 – Continued to play with flash, then went back to my room to read Artimis Fowel

Yeah I'm THAT COOL!!!!!

Think twice before taking the last step

well its been while, but due to the elections it was a little crazy. Things have calmed down now as Ramadan started.

As for me I am doing well the last week was a little tiring so i slept in this morning seeing i dint have a 9 am meeting. It was AWESOME. it was beyond AWESOME it was.....BeAWSOME..

I think for my next blog i will go through my day hour by hour discribing in great detail what i did and the maner in which it was done. it sounds like a superb idea.

The office penguin, hes in a time out for eating people.

My Office

This is a camel spide it has a venom that numbs the area it chews on, this one is small.

This is Lorraines Afghan dress.

The silk pants and head scarf.

Bazaar Photos

This is the infamous Surfing Camel only $5 to stand on him.

Some of the stuff sold at bazaars click for a larger view to see the genie lamps



Yet more stuff, these people just pile things on tables, don't ask where they get it but there's a lot.

You can find anything from belly dancer clothes to rugs..

to sets of swords. The best part is the swords are so dull I couldn't cut beach sand.

That very nice man sold me a very nice silk dress for Lorraine, he started his price at $60 but we came to an agreement at $40.

Well after a busy week the Public Affairs office is now "caught up" I'm told so i wont have to "work as hard" ... yeah that will last for tonight. if you hadn't guessed it was very busy this week and there was the day I was sick. The whole week really feels like it started yesterday there has been so much to do. If anything it made time go by quick, but I was only here or in bed asleep. If i was at work i was trying to get something done.

well i was planning on posting a video today but I fell asleep in my chair in front of my computer after work today like 7 pm and one of my roommates came in and woke me up at 9pm. I forgot to grab my camera as I left to come post, so no movie. Maybe tomorrow.

Other then being tired I am good, I hope everyone is doing well.

Sick of sanity

So i got sick yesterday and the day before was just to busy to write. So now I'm back and can write again.

Well things here are uneventful so let me describe what its like. I'm on a small camp that's part of Bagram Airfield (you have to have a special badge to get in). So i live on this camp, we have a sand volleyball court next to the chapel and the rec building. in the rec building we have morale phones to call home, a big screen TV to watch movies, pool table, ping pong, a barber, the Movie shop (any movie $3, but more are burned copy's or copy's of movies in the theater like harry potter 5). and then you leave there and behind it is the gym. as you walk away from the gym and to the left are the metal storage containers turned into rooms and straight past that the dining facility, its a good building except on Tuesday when they serve spaghetti.
I work i a larger building with the commander and his staff and a lot of other people.

This is me in an ARMY uniform

It’s difficult to explain

So I woke up this morning thinking everythings just fine, I dont have a morning breifing, I can go to church. So I got ready and I went to church. It was good, and I got a song stuck in my head, its been there all day, "Come Thou Fount".

Well I got back to the PAO shop and everyones a little on edge, as you may know because its been all over the news three more american troops died today.

I had the Honor to go to the ceremony as they get on the plane to return to the states. This is where it gets hard to explain. As I stood and photographey the whole thing happen I began to hum the song again. As they past me and started walking up into the C-17 I stopped and seluted those brave men.

As i was leaving i looked back at that C-17 fully light on the inside and three flags inside with thier friends and team mates slowly seluting and then kneeling to say their final good byes, its sad but yet noble and touching. Its hard to tell the way it is not even a photo could do it justice, I know this wont be the last but i dont imagine it gets easier.


Hazel To My Girls

Transformers

So today was somewhat of a slow day so I went out to shoot photos of the camp, well as I was walking around I spied some of my friends from Ft. McCoy I went over to talk. they told me

"we are going to go see the c-130 from the movie Transformers." (the big gin ship that fires on the scorpion in the desert).

So just being out to take photos I said

"Cool can I go and get photos?"

"Sure" they replied

So i went out and took photos for them.

below is a photo of me sitting in the back of the plane and below that is the decepticon symbol they put on during the movie. (Click the photos for a larger view)

By the way the little painted men each one stands for 5 men killed